RemusTonks 2getha 4eva
by Ailenroc
Summary: RemusTonks parody: Harry becomes their biggest shipper, with Ron and Hermione the skeptical accomplices. PG just in case. R&R!
1. Harry Realizes the Inevitable

****A/N**** I'm not J.K. Rowling, not trying to make money off of this…a large part of the scenes in this fic are from her work directly, so if you recognize the words – it's her, folks. If it's not, it's me. 

On a side note, this is a parody of Remus/Tonks, although I'm actually quite neutral on the ship. I think the age differences are a bit odd, and I don't think J.K. Rowling has any intention of doing anything with them, personally, but she hasn't ruled out the possibility. I think they're a bit too different for each other, but that's just me. ;) 

Mostly this was done as a laugh for my friend Rinnington. She's on my fave author's list, and you should look her up sometime ^_^ Now, on with the story! 

**Chapter 1 – Harry Realizes the Inevitable**

At Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Nymphadora Tonks lounged in a comfortable wooden chair, her arms draped over the sides, her legs propped up casually on the tabletop. She had stuffed her black drapery of a robe in between her legs, to avoid any uncomfortable encounters while she relaxed. Holding a copy of _Witch Weekly_ with one hand, the left half folded behind the right so she could leave her other hand free, Tonks had her wand buried in her spiky purple hair. She was twirling the tip gently, humming off tune to herself as she did so. A shadow changed position where the stairwell receded into the upper floor, and Nymphadora's eyes narrowed as she caught the movement. About to inform the man that she knew he was there, he made himself known of his own accord. 

"Dammit Tonks, but I can't believe they aren't letting me get my own godson." Sirius Black was walking vengefully down the stairs. He'd made it known to every member of the Order of the Phoenix that he had no fondness for the house, and now his boots seemed to be digging into the very boards of the stairs. Throwing his hands up and waving his wand exasperatedly, he added, "And my mother's idiotic painting will not let me be!" Tonks could catch the slight tinkle of a voice drifting down, and Sirius uttered a very canine growl. Scowling, he took his place at the table. "Or should I even bother to be here, since I'm not _allowed_ to get Harry. He'll want to see me. Me, his only living relation, if you could call it that. James' closest friend. James' best man." 

"Sirius," Tonks replied with a taunting smile, "you're a wanted man. We can't have you getting caught, now can we? Watch it, or the Ministry will be the death of you." She made a motion with her wand as if to slit her throat, and then smiled good-naturedly at the man across the table from her. 

Kingsley Shacklebolt's imperious presence proceeded him, and both Tonks and Sirius were at attention as the powerful black man entered, his hands in his coat pockets. There was a slight rounding at the corner of one, and both assumed it to be his wand. It might not be in his hands, but that didn't mean he couldn't extract it at a second's notice. "Tonks, Sirius," he greeted them evenly. Tonks gave him a cheery, "Hullo!" in return, but Sirius continued to sulk. 

"We've been over why you can't go on this mission, Sirius," Kingsley said in a calm and collected voice, drumming his large fingers on the tabletop. "I'd have thought a man as intelligent as you would have understood why by now." 

Sirius gave a tired sigh and rubbed his temples. "Oh, I know Kingsley, I know. But if you were in my shoes, how would you feel? Harry, who's like a son to me. Harry, my 'brother's' son." 

"I know Sirius," Kingsley murmured in reply, his eyes fixing blankly upon the tabletop as he waited for the others to arrive. 

"Nymphadora Tonks, get your feet off that table!" A shrill voice pierced the air of gloom, as Mrs. Weasley walked in, waving a duster like a club. "I will not have this house torn to pieces by your combat boots!" 

Meek and recalcitrant, Tonks yanked her feet off the table, crossing her legs as she folded her copy of _Witch Weekly_ and placed it face down on the table. Mrs. Weasley was an imposing person when she wanted to be, and with her flaming red hair held back only by a kerchief, there was an air of wildness about her that was a side effect of her nervousness. She cared about Harry almost as much as her own, and made no secret about it. 

After an awkward silence, where Mrs. Weasley attacked a dusty shelf vigorously, Nymphadora asked, "Where're Hermione and those boys of yours? And Ginny, of course." 

Mrs. Weasley gave a huff, but replied after a moment's pause. "Upstairs. I've made them promise to stay there until you return with Harry." 

Tonks muttered something to herself about 'Extendable Ears', but Mrs. Weasley didn't catch it. Mr. Weasley strode in a moment later, his face flushed with excitement as he adjusted his robes. He took the seat next to Kingsley, after giving his wife an affectionate and comforting kiss on the cheek. 

"Just think!" he told (mostly) himself excitedly, clasping his hands together. "A real muggle house! You all are so lucky." It was a regretful comment, and a wistful, childish smile hung over his face. Mrs. Weasley simply sighed exasperatedly, although a fond look was in her eyes. "Who are you waiting on? Remus?" 

"Precisely, Arthur," said a calm voice from the doorway. Remus Lupin, his patchwork robes giving him a sort of dignity in the lighting, stood there. 

"Remus," Tonks greeted him, fiddling with her wand to dull the nerves that were putting her on edge. 

Remus gave an acknowledging nod to her, before taking a seat next to Sirius. "I know how you wanted to go," he said softly, putting a comforting hand on his old friend's shoulder. "I may not be Sirius Black, but I'll try to make Harry feel at home until we get back. For your sake, Padfoot." Sirius gave a wan smile, before brushing off the hand and rising. 

"I'll be upstairs," he said, and, without waiting for an answer, he ascended. Everyone in the room guessed that despite his talk, he'd be waiting anxiously at the door minutes after they left. 

"Well," said Tonks decisively. "Shall we meet the others then?" 

* * * * * * * * 

"It's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away." 

From the Dursley's stairwell, Harry stood, unprepared for the voice that confronted him. After dealing with Dementors, the noninformation he had received over the summer, this seemed surreal. Professor Lupin, Mad-Eye Moody. At his house. 

"P-Professor Lupin?" he said disbelievingly. "Is that you?" 

"Why are we all standing in the dark?" Harry didn't recognize this voice, and started at it. "Lumos." 

A wand tip flared, illuminating the hall with magical light. Harry blinked. The people below were crowded around the foot of the stares, gazing intently up at him, some craning their heads for a better look. They shuffled, looking at him as if he were a particularly valuable curiosity. Harry altogether didn't like the feeling, and did not feel at ease. Remus' presence had a calming affect on him, although his former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher's shabby appearance reminded him of the one thing missing in Remus' life. The one thing that was stopping him from being a worthwhile, intelligent, and incredibly caring person: Remus needed a girlfriend. Without one, Remus was nothing but a work-obsessed, persecuted werewolf working with Dumbledore, headmaster of the prestigious Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardy, to destroy the evil Lord Voldemort who threatened to cast all their lives into shadow if he was ever to come back to power. 

"Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would," said the witch who was holding her lit wand aloft. She looked the youngest there; she had a pale heart-shaped face, dark twinkling eyes, and short spiky hair that was now a violent shade of violet. "Wotcher, Harry!" 

_Wotcher, indeed!_ Harry thought. Here was a woman. Someone for Remus. So he was a full-fledged teenager when she was probably born, such age differences were nothing. A part of his mind whispered, _It's like Hermione dating Snape!_ But he brushed it aside foolishly. When in reality would that ever happen? And she was quite a bit older than Hermione, anyway. Yes, he thought shrewdly. There must be some sort of romance between the two. The alternative was Sirius, and Harry didn't want to entertain the thought of his godfather and his teacher…involved in such a way. The thought made him wince, and Remus looked at him concernedly. 

"Are you quite sure it's him, Lupin?" Mad-Eye Moody growled. "It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless someone brought any Veritaserum?" 

"Harry, what form does your Patronus take?" said Lupin. 

"A stag," said Harry nervously. 

"That's him, Made-Eye," said Lupin. 

After everyone was made certain of his identity, a few formalities were exchanged, and he told Lupin how his summer had gone. The thought of Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley chasing after a nonexistent All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn Competition gave him a bit of a chuckle, too, but his thoughts remained on Remus and that strange, violet-haired woman. Once, he thought he saw Remus glance at her – but even he had to admit it looked like Remus was checking the clock. Still, he told himself. It was something. 

An unimportant person was introduced (Harry had eyes only for Remus' eventual soulmate), and then Remus came to the purple-haired woman. Harry held his breath anxiously. 

"And this is Nymphadora – " 

"_Don't_ call me Nymphadora, Remus." Harry began to asphyxiate with excitement. "It's Tonks. That's what everyone calls me, and so should you." She gave an emphatic nod, and Harry let out his breath. The excitement remained, however. _Remus called her something that no one else did. A formal, intimate name that no one else had used._ "Mad-Eye, you'll back me up, won't you?" Tonks asked. 

"No need to involve Alastor," Remus said smoothly. " – Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only," he finished. 

"So would you if your fool of a mother had called you 'Nymphadora,'" muttered Tonks. Harry could feel tears coming to his eyes – the way their personalities played off one another, it was invigorating. This was the woman Remus needed. Several others were introduced, and then Harry was sent to pack with Tonks accompanying him. 

When they got up to his room, Harry was surprised to see Tonks looking in a mirror. "You know, I don't think purple's really my color," she said pensively, tugging at a lock of spiky hair. "D'you think it makes me look a bit peaky?" 

"Er – " said Harry, looking up at her over the top of _Quidditch Teams of Britain and Ireland._

"Yeah, it does," said Tonks decisively. She screwed up her eyes in a strained expression as though she were struggling to remember something. A second later, her hair had turned bubble-gum pink. 

"How did you do that?" said Harry, gaping at her as she opened her eyes again. 

"I'm a Metamorphmagus. It means I can change my appearance at will." Harry hardly listened to anything she said after that, so amazed was he. It was perfect! Remus was a _werewolf_ and she was a _Metamorphagus_. Both could _change their appearance._ He became a little worried when Tonks showed her sloppy side, packing his things untidily. Remus had always struck him as a very clean, orderly person. _However,_ he told himself brightly, smiling at this potential romance in his favorite teacher's future, _opposites attract!_ As he walked down the stairs, the more rational part of his mind whispered to him, _Hermione and Snape!_ But he pushed it away nonchalantly. What would Hermione and Ron say when he told them! 

****A/N****: So, how'd you like it? ^_^ Want me to write more? I need reviews! It's been a while since I've read book five, so feel free to correct anything wrong with the chronology, etc. 


	2. At Grimmauld Place

****A/N**:** Thanks for all the reviews! Check the bottom for generalish replies to them. ^_^ 

And now…*drumroll* Chapter 2! 

Disclaimer should be obvious right now…I actually don't think anything in this chapter is taken directly from the book, word for word…soo…you all should know if it's J.K. Rowling's, and I'm not trying to make some cash off of it. 

**Chapter 2: At Grimmauld Place**

After Harry was shown the secret of how to enter Number 12 Grimmauld place, he lingered by the door as he waited for Remus and his soulmate, Nymfo…Nymphasco…Nymano…his soulmate, Tonks. Mad-Eye Moody's roving eye looked at him a little strangely as he passed, wondering why Harry stood by the door, his breath sucked in anxiously, as if he waited for something. 

Outside, Tonks and a few others were dealing with the problem of Harry's things. All Harry could catch of their discussion was a few low murmurings, but he remained alert. He would not be distracted. 

"Harry!" a jubilant voice cried. Unwilling to turn his eyes from the door, he gave a halfway glance behind him. He saw a man's ecstatic face, some black hair, and a broad grin. He had no time for this foolish nonsense. 

"Not now," he whispered angrily in reply, waving a hand dismissively at the person who was pursuing him. 

"But…but Harry…" The voice sounded utterly crushed, like a ragdoll thrown into a trash compactor. "It's…it's me. Sirius! Your godfather." Sirius tried to win back some of his famous charm, giving Harry a friendly punch on the shoulder and winking conspiratorially at his godson. 

"Sirius, I'm very glad to see you, but could you just wait a moment," Harry said, a paragon of patience. He barely noticed as Sirius, looking like a beaten puppy, backed away. _Well,_ thought Harry with satisfaction as he finally noticed that his godfather had gone, _at least now there will be no more distractions._

Outside, Tonks looked at Harry's luggage disparagingly. "Anyone want to help me?" she called out to the Order members. When no one answered, she added, "I failed stealth and tracking, you know. If I try to lift this myself I'll probably end up shooting it into a tree." There was a pause, as she searched for those still waiting outside. Many of the members of the Advance Guard were departing now, for few of them actually lived in Number 12 Grimmauld place. But she could see a few left. Kingsley looked occupied with seeing off the departing Order members, and Mad-Eye was already inside. Remus, however, was still there, and finishing up a conversation with Dedalus Diggle. 

"Ah, Nymphadora. Need some help with that trunk?" Tonks rolled her eyes at 'Nymphadora,' but nodded. 

"Yeah. Might end up shooting it into a tree, you know?" 

Remus gave a faint grin. "Well, let's try it the old fashioned way, then." He moved to the other side of the trunk, but before he could grab the handle, Tonks gave him a good-natured slap on the back. 

"Thanks again, Remus." Remus gave a loud cough, his already pale face turning a few shades whiter. It took him a few moments to recover his breath, but eventually he rubbed his forehead, and looked at Tonks again. 

"Then again, maybe I will hold up my end with magic," he said dryly. 

"Sorry, Remus. Let's get this done." Tonks lifted up her end manually for the moment, while Remus levitated the other end with his wand. They managed to make it intact to the door, where, with a bit of rotating, they got it through. As they moved the trunk up to Harry's room, Remus caught his former student's eye. 

_Now why is Harry huddled against the door like that?_ He wondered, slightly alarmed at how Harry's eyes seemed to bulge with excitement. Sirius sat in the table, arms crossed moodily, and looked like he was about to cry. 

"Anything wrong, Padfoot?" Remus asked cautiously as he ascended the stairs, still levitating the trunk. 

Sirius gave a very canine growl and turned his head away. 

After Remus and Tonks retreated upstairs, Harry looked around the room wildly. He felt a bit guilty, seeing Sirius sitting at the table, looking like a relative had died, so on his way to the kitchen he gave him a companionable slap on the back and said loudly, "Good to see you again, old boy!" and dashed into the kitchen. 

In the kitchen, Mrs. Weasley was looking at a cookbook, drumming her wand aimlessly against the countertop. A metal spoon, working autonomously, stirred a pot of something that looked to be marinara sauce. Another wooden spoon tended to some pasta boiling over the stove. 

"Oh, Harry!" Mrs. Weasley said with a warm smile for the boy that had almost become one of her own. "We're so glad to see you safely back here, away from those miserable Dursleys…I hope you like what we're having for dinner tonight. Some muggle recipe Arthur _insisted_ I try, although so far it seems a ridiculous dish." 

"Smells nice, smells nice," Harry muttered distractedly, eyes roving around the kitchen. "The Dursleys were same as always. Where're Ron and Hermione?" 

Mrs. Weasley, squinting in concentration as she read the muggle cookbook's instructions, finally turned her eyes away from it. "Oh, of course! They didn't know you were here, yet, but they should be upstairs…" And without another word, Harry was off. Hermione and Ron, just having been informed, were racing down the stairs to meet Harry, a smiling Ginny walking more hesitantly behind. Hermione opened her arms to give him a big hug, and Ron gave him a welcoming slap on the back. The bridge of Harry's glasses moved forward about an inch on his nose, but he smiled; it was good to see his friends again. Out of habit, he smoothed back his messy black hair, readjusting his glasses. 

While he had originally been excited to see Ron and Hermione, as they continued to talk, he began to recall some of his old anger, and his face began to darken. Ron squinted first in disbelief, and then looked at him quizzically. A spark of fear showed in Hermione's eyes, and her smile quickly faded. 

"Er…what is it Harry?" Ron asked in a concerned voice from where he was sitting on the bed, next to Hermione. 

"What is it?" Harry asked softly, the anger audible in his voice. "What is it?" 

"Harry…whatever's wrong you can just tell us – " Hermione began, raising a hand up as if to comfort Harry, but with a flying motion of his arm he knocked it out of the way. Hermione's face went white with pain, and a tiny tear appeared at the corner of her eye, but she bore her dislocated shoulder bravely. 

"WHAT IS IT?" Harry said again, loudly this time. "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?" he roared. "WHAT KIND OF PAIN DO YOU THINK I WENT THROUGH WITH THE DURSLEYS? ALL SUMMER, WAITING FOR SOME SORT OF NEWS, DIGGING IN RUBBISH BINS…WHY DID YOU BLOODY IGNORE ME?" 

Ron was looking anxiously at Hermione, a bit of sweat shining visibly on his forehead. "Harry, we're really sorry we couldn't tell you about the Order, but you know Dumbledore swore us to secrecy, and you really shouldn't hit Her – " 

"THE ORDER?" Harry screamed. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME BLOODY ORDER! WHAT I MEAN IS, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT HER?" 

There was a long silence where Ron looked very bemused, looking in fact like a sort of questioning cow, his arm draped loosely around Hermione's shoulder. Hermione herself, through her silent tears, looked perplexed in a more intellectual way. 

"Oh," said Harry, deflating instantly. "You mean…you really haven't noticed? I'm sorry Ron, Hermione, I just sort of assumed you must have known – " 

"Known about what?" Ron demanded, screwing up his eyebrows into a frown. 

"Yes, Harry, what are you talking about?" Hermione asked, the pain fading from her voice as she performed a quick-fix charm on her arm with a swish of her wand. Dislocated shoulders were easy enough to fix; things like broken legs, severed heads were a bit more trying. 

"Er…" said Harry, unsure how to go on now that Hermione and Ron appeared unaware of the most obvious thing he'd seen since the inevitability of Voldemort's return, stammered for a moment before reassuring himself of the facts. Ron must have been thinking like…well, like Ron, and Hermione must simply have not been paying attention. "Remus," he said awkwardly. "Haven't you noticed the…the thing between him and Honks?" His voice came out in a whisper, as he confided this to them. 

"Honks?" Hermione asked, for once wearing the same dumbfounded expression Ron seemed to keep on his face perpetually. 

"It was something like that," Harry mumbled, beginning to be annoyed, blushing slightly with embarrassment. "Maybe Conks or Wonks or something like that." 

"Ohhhh," said Ron, his mouth forming a circle of understanding. "You mean _Tonks_." 

"Whatever," said Harry crossly. "They're obviously in love." 

****A/N**:** Thank you so much to reviewers! Your reviews are like...the only incentive for writing I have. :P I think I'm naturally a very lazy person. It's always nice to know other people like what I write and laugh at it, since everything I put down in Word usually sounds better in my head.... 

Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, I have the dedication of a flea and only my reviewers drive me onward. ^_^ Thanks for reviews and I hope you liked the chapter! 

Want to see how Ron and Hermione react? Review, and I shall let you know. ~_^ 


	3. Spasms

All of a sudden, before Ron or Hermione could reply to Harry's wild proposal, the boy-who-lived's eyes went blank, and he began to drool, suddenly collapsing on the floor and making writhing motions.  
  
"Bloody mad hell!" raved Ron. "That Skeeter woman was right! He's gone off his wicked rocker!"  
  
Hermione looked appalled at Ron's terrible sentence structure, but then excused him; he was Ron, after all. "Er, maybe Harry's just had a vision..."

---------  
  
Inside Harry's vision, things were much more disturbing. A purple hamster walked up to him. "It's me, Harry! The author!"  
  
"Why should I car – "  
  
"Anyway," the hamster continued, its eyes focused on the audience, "there's been some problems with the development of the story."  
  
Understanding dawned on Harry's face. "I see! That's why Remus and Tonks haven't been together yet!"  
  
The hamster regarded Harry with a stare that would have sent many sane men to St. Mungo's. She then rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Listen, I had this beautiful start to chapter three written...and then my computer died. So I'm writing, but it's going a lot more slowly."  
  
"Damn," said Harry, who slowly faded out of the picture.  
  
"P.S.," whispered the purple hamster to that vague entity known as the audience. "This is to circumvent the 'No Author's Note Long Chapters Rule.' You get a bit of story, you get a bit of AN. See?"

----------  
  
Harry suddenly stood up as normal, and Ron and Hermione looked as if they were struck dumb, and did not remember anything that had just happened.  
  
"Whatever," said Harry. "They're obviously in love.


	4. Harry's Grand Scheme

**Chapter 4 – Harry's Grand Scheme**

"Er…Harry, no offense, but what sort of evidence do you have for this?" asked a very perplexed Hermione. 

Ron simply looked at Harry with his jaw hanging open, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead in a perpetually confused look. "You're wicked mad!" he sputtered, "off your bloody rocker!" 

Hermione was appalled by Ron's uncouth use of British slang, but all thoughts of proper grammar fled from her mind when she saw Harry's expression. He was giving her and Ron an angry scowl. Hermione winced and clutched her arm in remembered pain. It took Ron a moment, but he finally saw Hermione's distress and put his arm comfortingly around her. 

"Well," said Harry, deflating, "I didn't think I'd have to explain it, but I suppose I should. I first noticed it when they went to the Dursley's to pick me up…" 

Harry rambled on for a few minutes more about the obvious shipping possibilities he'd seen between Remus and Tonks, while Ron slowly started snoring, and Hermione looked gravely and seriously confirmed. 

"Listen, Harry," she said in a very comforting voice, "we're behind you…" her voice faltered, but Hermione bravely found her thread again, "…all the way, but perhaps you shouldn't mention this to anyone just yet. You know, to make sure no one…spoils the surprise." 

Smiling fondly at Hermione, Harry slammed his fist in a friendly way into her shoulder. "Ah Hermione, you always know what to do!" Hermione bit her lip from the excruciating pain, but bravely did not cry out. Ron looked at her like she was slightly crazy, but in a very concerned and caring way. 

Harry, on the other hand, walked confidently out of the room. As he closed the door, he was surprised to find Sirius cowering outside. Harry shook his head, wondering sadly what could bring a grown man to his knees like that. He felt bad momentarily, briefly thinking it might be his rude dismissal of his godfather, as the closest thing to James the animagus had, but realized, Sirius may have been through a lot, but he should have realized Harry's good intentions towards Remus and that woman. 

"Hey there, Sirius!" Harry exclaimed, trying to muster some enthusiasm. 

"Harry!" said Sirius excitedly. "I had an idea, I thought you and I could look at the Black family tree. I'm sure it's good for a laugh, you know?" 

"Snore," said Harry, stifling a yawn. As Sirius' face fell like a soul into a Dementor's kiss, Harry realized he'd said it aloud. "Damn, didn't mean to say that aloud," he cursed, snapping his fingers. "Forget what I said, I'd be happy to see those old relatives of yours!" he announced brightly. Sirius looked a little comforted, and started leading him through the dusty old house. 

He railed on for a bit about a few things Harry wasn't particularly interested in…good, evil, Voldemort and whatnot, but then he spoke the words that caught Harry's attention. 

"Oh yeah, Tonks is my cousin, although she's not on here – big surprise, considering that her family chose to fight against Voldemort," he stated with a nervous laugh. 

Harry's eyes bulged. "Sirius," he said very seriously, "I need your help." 

Sirius felt his heart thrill – for once, Harry needed him! A grave look overtook his features, and he frowned. "Just tell me what it is, Harry, and I'll help in whatever way I can." 

"Tonks is your cousin, right?" Harry asked, still very serious. 

Sirius coughed in embarrassment. "Look, Harry, I understand you're a growing boy and all, and I know my cousin Tonks is very charismatic…and I suppose very physically attractive, but she's a little old for you…" 

Harry looked stunned. "Sirius, listen old chap, I've no interest in Tonks. But don't you see? She's perfect for Remus, and since you're her relative, I need your help setting it up." 

Now it was Sirius turned to look as if someone had put a spell on him. "What? Listen, Harry, I've known them both a very long time, and they don't seem to be too…alike, if you know what I mean." 

Snarling, Harry raised his wand menacingly to Sirius. "I WON'T HAVE ANY MORE PEOPLE COMING IN THE WAY OF THEIR HAPPINESS!" he roared. "NOW HELP ME, OR I'LL SHOVE THE KILLING CURSE IN YOUR FACE!" 

Sirius looked very doubtful that Harry could do anything more than make him feely a little woozy with Avada Kedavra, but he was anxious to keep his godson's favor, even at the cost of his age-old friendship with Remus. "Look, it's okay Harry, I'll help you," he said soothingly, an anxious note in his voice. "What's your plan?" 

"Well," said Harry. "Ron and Hermione have already agreed to help – " 

Briefly, Sirius wondered what could convince a clever, intelligent girl like Hermione to side with Harry on this, but then he remembered the way Harry's eyes had bulged when he'd threatened him. It could be very imposing to a teenaged girl. 

Ron was sort of a given. 

" – so, I was thinking we could…well…" 

And for dramatic suspense, the chapter was ended. 

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are so nice. == This is kind of a hurried chapter, and I'm doing it at school, so if any of my facts are wrong…well, I don't have the book on me. I liked my original version of chapter "3" (now Chapter 4 I guess) better, but I lost it. :/ Kinda a short chapter, I promise the next will be longer. Also, I had to take this chappy down and put it up again, because I forgot to add some key html tags. 

R&R! 


	5. Harry is on the Verge of Success

**A/N**: Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! I totally would not keep writing if not for you. I think this chapter is better than the last one, since it's not put together out of guilt (I felt bad for leaving you guys hanging >>) and more out of my desire to continue with the story. 

As for the reviews, great as always! Although I don't know why my mom would want to marry me. As for the story, I think there will probably be just one more chapter. Two tops. Also, if you liked this story, check out the Draco/Hermione parody I'm working on. It should be up soon. shameless plug 

On with the story! 

**Chapter 5: Harry is on the Verge of Success**

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Sirius sat in a tight circle, alone in Harry and Ron's room. Harry kept giving cunning looks and triumphant smiles to the other three, while Hermione looked doubtful, and Ron looked like he was in a coma. Although, nothing was really new there. Sirius kept looking eagerly at Harry, as if he expected something. Harry didn't seem to notice this, however. 

"Alright, listen up. Here's the plan. Sirius, you go to Tonks and tell her that Remus is in love with her. I'll go to Remus and tell him Tonks loves him." 

For a minute, there was silence. The other three wondered why Harry had called Ron and Hermione to the meeting, since it seemed he only needed Sirius. 

Hermione, with a delicate tremble in her voice, eventually said, "Harry…that's a really brilliant plan and all, but shouldn't Sirius be the one to talk to Remus? Since, you know, they're really old friends…" 

Harry's eyes bulged. His face turned a shade of burgundy to rival Uncle Vernon's. Hermione gave a strangled cry, raising her arms in protest, tears dripping down her face. "Not again!" she screamed, falling limp to the floor. 

It took Ron a good minute and a half, but finally he seemed to come to his senses and react. "What in the bloody hell have you done to Hermione?" he spluttered. "That's wicked crazy! You really could've bloody hurt her!" 

Harry looked appalled, whether from Ron's improper use of British slang, or the fact that Ron was questioning him, it was impossible to tell. "Ron," he said finally, a sad look in his eyes, "there's been enough violence for today. I'll put this behind us." Sirius was looking at Harry in disgusted amazement, while Ron just looked glad his arm hadn't been broken. "Does everyone understand the plan?" Harry asked at last, eyes narrowing. Sirius gave an eager nod, while Ron waited half a minute before moving his head slowly up and down. "Good," said Harry. "It takes place tomorrow night!" 

Sirius turned into a dog for some unknown reason and wandered off, while Harry got up and moved over to the door. As he was leaving, he heard Ron say, "Harry…I think Hermione's in a coma…" 

"Oh, she'll get over it," Harry said in a dismissive voice. He had more plans to make. 

The next morning, it appeared Hermione had gotten over it, as she appeared at the breakfast table with a pale face and a wan smile. Everyone looked very concerned as she ate her porridge, asking if she was doing all right, but Hermione kept saying she was fine while shooting panicked looks at Harry. 

Harry, being the little wizarding mastermind he was, had made sure to sit next to Remus that morning. "Remus," he said, giving what he hoped looked like an eager smile, "I've always thought of you sort of as a second father…think we could talk tonight? At around midnight?" 

Remus wondered for a minute if it was one of Those fics, but his sensitive heart melted when he heard Harry call him a second father. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he smiled. "Of course, Harry. I'd be happy to help in whatever way I can. Although, I'm usually in bed before nine o'clock. How about eight, right after dinner?" Harry assented. 

As Harry left the breakfast table, Ron stopped him. "Listen, old mate," said Ron awkwardly, "I'm sorry about doubting your bloody motives last night." "Bloody motives" didn't sound too supportive to Harry, but the tone was apologetic, so he didn't turn Ron into a frog right away. 

"Yeah, I guess you did. Wasn't too great to have my two friends imply my plan to further Remus' and Tonks' happiness was bogus," he said warily, narrowing his eyes. 

"I talked to Hermione, and we're both in. What do you wicked need us to do tonight?" Ron asked. 

Harry really hadn't thought about this, so he paused. "Well," he said finally, "I guess you and Hermione can…er…distract the other members of the household, so they don't interfere," he finished with a victorious grin. Ron nodded eagerly, and toddled off. 

Sirius, who had been lurking in his doghouse, started inching closer to his godson as Ron departed. "Harry," he said anxiously, "I just wanted you to know that I really support this, and think it's a good idea," Sirius lied through his teeth. Just one smile from the boy that was keeping his sanity intact, and his month would be made. 

"Well, of course," said Harry condescendingly. He gave Sirius a pat on the head, looking a bit distracted. Then he smiled benevolently, feeling in a good mood since in a few short hours, Remus and Tonks would be together. "I guess we could play fetch later or something." If Sirius hadn't been in human form, his tail would've been wagging. As it was, he looked ecstatic. 

After a rigorous game of fetch and most of dinner, the Order of the Phoenix (and assorted others, like Ginny, Fred, and George, who haven't really been mentioned, and those who are practically members so we might as well call them that, i.e. Harry, Hermione, and Ron!) was beginning to feel comfortably full after Mrs. Weasley's delicious meal of fish and chips. 

Hermione and Ron were whispering furiously together (No doubt about the distraction, thought Harry fondly), while Sirius looked altogether nervous, and kept looking at Tonks in a very odd way. Harry looked complacent. 

"So, Remus, think we could have that chat now?" Harry asked excitedly. 

"Of course," Remus said as he took his plate over to the kitchen sink, cleaning it quickly with magic. 

**R&R!**


End file.
